How To Love Someone Without Losing Yourself

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When you’re starting a relationship, you seem oblivious to what problems or future situations you’ll go through. You and your partner are initially at your best and feeling like you’re the best for each other. You don’t want anything to spoil the intimate connection so you strive to share and do everything together. The bond becomes stronger and you think more about your future with the person you love. Eventually, you will see yourself as a reflection of him, as two people become one.

However, as the ‘unification’ continues, you may realize later that you have lost your independent self. True, becoming one is a celebration of love and togetherness. But the journey doesn’t typically happen smoothly, and in the long run, you might not be able to take the fact that you have lost yourself in the relationship. So where did you end and where did your partner begin to engulf your identity?

Losing Your Identity

Once you realize this, there is a higher likelihood that you will grow bitter about giving up some crucial parts of yourself, particularly if your sacrifices and compromises are the usual demands of your partner. This will gradually create internal stress and tension, and the things that you do for the relationship will no longer be voluntary – you will feel that it’s something that you are forced to do. As this continues, feelings of resentment, worthlessness, depression, and insecurity will creep in.

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Let’s consider this example. You and your partner go to a wedding, and when all single ladies are asked to go in front of the single men to dance with, your partner doesn’t dance with you. How would you feel? That your partner doesn’t value you? Is he ashamed to be with you? Or is the relationship simply one-sided – where obviously the side isn’t on yours? Once you constantly think about being on the losing side, you fight for your right to be heard and then you grow angry with your partner and the whole relationship.

Your Forgotten Self

For a lot of couples, taking senseless stands may be because of your need to release the suppressed parts of yourself. You have forgotten that you do have a self, one that is separate from the relationship. However, if you aren’t able to express it as sensibly and freely, you will eventually feel invalidated and ultimately, lost. This intense version of you will not only affect your relationship negatively but your attitude outside of the relationship as well.

If you think that you and your partner have this kind of relationship now, or if you feel that it is going there, do talk to him about it. You can even see a therapist if you need help dealing with it. A relationship between two people in love should be positive and filled with respect for each other. Positive reciprocal relationships must inspire partners to give themselves both of you respect each other’s independence and limitations. You should feel happy, confident, and free. But if you feel otherwise, perhaps your borders aren’t being valued.

Final Thoughts

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Feelings of anger, insecurity, and resentment can ultimately destroy relationships. In most circumstances, you may need to look for a way out. On the other hand, if you and your partner are willing to change, creating boundaries for each other won’t be difficult, and both of you have sufficient space to grow and improve. The less helpless you feel, the more respect you have for each other, and the positive environment for the relationship and for each of you will flourish.

 

 

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Losing One’s Identity And The Journey Towards Rediscovery

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Have you been thinking that you have somehow lost your identity?

My friend Mitch called me with this dilemma. “I think I lost myself. I am totally exhausted and perplexed. I try to go out and do my usual routine but I still can’t shake the feeling. My life’s just so bound to my family and kids that I don’t know how to be happy anymore. I miss my friends, but when they invite me to go out with them, I make excuses not to go because I realize I have so much to do at home. Am I going to be like this forever? Who am I, anyway? Where am I?”

Can You Relate With The Story Of Mitch?

There are certain points in our lives when we stop and wonder if we are still the same person that we were back when life was simpler. The problem is that we don’t get to these realizations at the same time, which may be a cause for our feeling of isolation.

Some of us find our life’s purpose when we become parents and our kids are the greatest blessings that have we’ve ever received. Others, though, find parenthood to be extremely daunting, and they struggle to keep up with their other relationships. This makes them dread to have other children.

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A divorce also creates a feeling of losing your identity. People may feel that they are incomplete without the other person and that they have lost a major role as a spouse, so what have they become now?

On the contrary, those who reach their mid-30s or 40s feel like it’s the best years of their lives. They go back to partying, going outdoors, and socializing. Maybe they were earning a living early and it has consumed them so much that they want to take a break from it all. They are more inclined to keeping in touch with friends and traveling – their way of finding themselves.

Finding The Road To Rediscovery

A sense of identity is associated with a sense of purpose – the thought of knowing your place in the world. Here are some questions that may help you find your way back to you.

  • Can you rewire your thoughts on what mattered before and what changed now? If these have indeed changed, maybe what mattered then may not be as important to you now.
  • Can you possibly reconnect with who you are by discovering new things, those that you think are more relevant to you and giving yourself more credit for things that you’re currently doing?

A feeling of uselessness could be the cause of identity loss. Ask these questions to help you better understand.

  • Do you feel like you can’t connect with people anymore, or that you’re hesitant to connect because of fear that they might reject you?
  • If and when you are able to connect, would that connection alleviate your feeling of loss? Would it become relevant to you?

Sometimes, we don’t realize it but at some point, we lose touch of our morals. How we conform to our values often deviates through the years, but only the core values, those that we have learned while we were growing up, stay the same. So when we feel that we have gone far from these values, we become perplexed and unhappy. So you ask:

  • What happened along the way that made me change my values? Is there something going on in my life now that is absolutely opposite with my morals?
  • Can I possibly make small changes with the way I’m living so that I’m a step closer to the things that I value?
  • How will I reward myself when I have successfully taken that step?
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Final Thoughts

These questions and the reflections in this article will hopefully lead you to find your lost self. You may be recreated or modified now because of life’s circumstances, but you will always find your way back to you. Just stop and take the time to focus on rediscovering YOU.

 

 

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Teaching Emotional Literacy To Children

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The topic of how emotional literacy helps in achieving higher education, stronger relationships, and optimal health has been prevalent lately. Emotional intelligence is something that parents can teach their children. It is the person’s capacity to manage his emotions, while emotional literacy is his capacity to convey his emotions into words. But overall, both pertain to one’s ability to identify, comprehend, deal with and appropriately convey his emotions.

Can Children Learn To Be Emotionally Literate?

Definitely. In fact, some children are so in sync with how they feel that they will find it quite easy to handle various people and situations. Others may require more time and education to achieve this goal. Every child needs to be emotionally literate and they need to be encouraged and inspired to express themselves. By helping them learn, you are enabling them to traverse the not-so-good emotions appropriately and successfully.

What Can You Do To Help Them?

As a parent or guardian, you must:

  • Acknowledge your child’s feelings and their corresponding responses. Take time to think about his reactions and don’t judge right away. Do not criticize either. You can help him identify his emotions like telling him, “I understand that you’re annoyed,” or, “That’s wonderful! No wonder you’re so excited!”
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  • Encourage him to tell you how they feel. Try to create an atmosphere that’s safe and open so he can comfortably talk to you about his feelings. He should not feel any judgment from you, because if he will, he’ll look for others to open up. When he has confided in you, you can say something like, “Do you think she did the right thing,” or, “How does that make you feel?”
  • Identify the motivators that help him do his best. Praise is a good thing, but encouragement is better. Don’t focus so much on the outcome but applaud your child’s behavior and the strategy that he used to achieve his goal. You can encourage him by saying, “I’ve noticed that when the task gets more challenging, you don’t give up but you try even harder – that’s a great attitude.”
  • Teach your child other means of airing his frustrations. Let him know that he has a choice. Your question should be open-ended so he can freely answer you. Something like this: “How can you possibly express your anger or frustration through words and not by throwing things or hitting?” Or, “Can you think of something else that you can do to let your friend know that you are mad at him?”
  • Teach your child ways that would help calm him down when he is angry or sad or devastated. Let him practice the simplest, easiest, and most effective lesson – taking deep breaths. Additionally, you can teach him to memorize a mantra, like, “I can control my anger,” or, “I am calm.” Or you can ask him what makes him relax and to let him do it when he needs to, like watching television or playing a game.

Final Thoughts 

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When you have successfully taught, encouraged, modeled, and empowered children to become emotionally literate, you can be sure to watch them thrive and become versatile, confident, and well-balanced adults armed with a positive well being and way of life. Then you have given them the greatest gift.

 

 

 

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Thoughts Of A Woman About To Divorce Her Husband

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I never imagined that I would be in this position right now. In my hand, I am holding five pieces of paper full of legal words and only one sign has caught my eye – divorce. I will be divorcing my husband of 20 years, and you know what, it pains me even after everything I’ve been through with him. These five pieces of paper hold what is to happen to my future. A tear fell which rolled on my cheek. I had to wipe it. There is no turning back now. I will be single again, after 20 years, as if it was so easy.

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Building Resilience: A Philosophical Argument For Forming Habits

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Redirecting Yourself:

Many people suffer from lack of motivation or something that leads them to have a hard time pursuing their goals. Learning to implement certain methods into your lifestyle can make a huge difference in your productivity and success. Habits, defined as an acquired behavior regularly followed until it is basically an involuntary action, while they can be good or bad and are often picked up unintentionally, they are also something that we can choose to install in ourselves. By identifying and harnessing your unique strengths, you can begin to more effectively contribute in the workplace as well as feel a greater sense of well-being from this newfound capability and independence.

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Day to Day Emotional Cleansing: Five Simple How-Tos

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Emotional cleansing is as vital as physical detoxing. However, the world is more focused on looking good on the outside that it puts more emphasis on the latter. Why should we cast the limelight on emotional cleansing? Know the reasons why. Plus, learn 5 simple ways to cleanse emotionally that you can do every day.

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The Effects of Counseling On Everyday Life

Therapy is beneficial for anyone, whether it be an individual with a mental illness or without. Therapy is a great service that offers tools to individuals, allowing them to traverse through day to day trials and tribulations with ease instead of stress.

There are several benefits to therapy, four of which can be found below.

1. Coping With Stressors and Emotions

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Therapy is extremely helpful when it comes to coping mechanisms. This refers to strategies that you and your therapist come up with together for you to use when you feel overwhelmed, scared, angry, or depressed. Read More

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How Self-Worth Can Lead To Success

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Having self-worth can lead to a myriad of benefits in your daily life. Moreover, self-worth can also set you on the road to success in both the present and the future.

Because you have confidence in yourself, you are able to seek out opportunities that you might have otherwise ignored or purposely avoided. These opportunities can include jobs, positions, schools, relationships, etc.

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7 Ways To Cope With Low Self-Esteem

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Low self-esteem can be detrimental to living a happy and healthy life. When you don’t have a sense of worth, you are unlikely to succeed professionally, academically, or socially because your lack of esteem is holding you back. When you are confident in yourself, you allow yourself opportunities that you otherwise would have missed. However, there are several ways to cope with having a low self-esteem, ten of which will be discussed in this article.

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How Loving One’s Self Can Lead To Healthier And Happier Relationships

While it is entirely possible to love someone without being particularly fond of yourself, loving yourself does indeed make relationships generally happier and healthier.

1. Avoid Comparisons

First of all, loving yourself means you have confidence in yourself. This will make you less likely to search out comparisons between yourself and other individuals. Your significant other loves you for you. They don’t want you to be someone else. If they do, then you should not be with them in the first place.

Every time you tell your significant other that you wish you looked like someone else or you wish you talked like someone else, you are labeling yourself as not desirable. Imagine you love someone with everything you have and you would never want them to change, but they continuously tell you that they wish they looked a different way. Odds are, it would make you feel a little bit hurt because they don’t see themselves the way you see them.

Source: blogs.psychcentral.com

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