How To Set Healthy Boundaries In Your Relationship

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There have been a lot of arguments about the kinds of boundaries that couples should set – and what they can actually do – for their relationships. Some may claim that they don’t need these boundaries, as their partners should already know each other’s limitations. But the truth is that if your relationship is healthy, then it must have boundaries. It can’t be strong and productive until both partners convey their restrictions clearly, and each partner respects them. Boundaries MUST be set because they don’t get organized inherently, and they’re not easily created as well.

Here is a comparison of healthy and unhealthy qualities in a relationship:

Healthy

  • You are accountable for making your own happiness.
  • You have friends other than the ones you and your partner make.
  • You accept endings.
  • Communication is honest and open.
  • You acknowledge that you have differences.

Unhealthy

  • You feel incomplete and unimportant without your partner.
  • You are manipulative of your partner.
  • You are in a jealous relationship.
  • You are hesitant and afraid to express how you truly feel.
  • You can’t let go even if you have to.
  • You are not happy without your partner.

Independent boundaries are important no matter how big or small, and they need to be respected. Below is an example of a simple boundary and a serious boundary, to help you have a better understanding of the concept.

Simple Boundary

Your partner has made known to you that he is sensitive with his things so you need to ask him first before using them. You need to call a friend but then your phone is dead. You decide to borrow your partner’s phone but he’s asleep, so you just decide to use it anyway.

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In this example, the boundary set may be really, really simple, and yet this may be a big deal for your partner. Remember that you already know how he feels about his belongings. It is a small thing to ask but nevertheless, you have disrespected it.

Serious Boundary

You have honestly told your partner that you are the type who doesn’t want to be controlled in a relationship, especially when it comes to family and friends. Your partner calls you one night and asks you if you have plans, and you tell him that you’re going to a friend’s birthday party. Your partner says you can’t go but if you insist, he won’t go with you to your family reunion. Just because you don’t want that to happen, you make an excuse not to attend your friend’s birthday.

Here, it is clear that you don’t want to be someone who is controlling and manipulative. Not only did your partner disrespect your boundary; you yourself were not strong in standing by your own boundary.

Whether you think that the boundary set by your partner is major or not, it shouldn’t be neglected or disrespected. If, on the other hand, you are inconsistent with your own boundary because you are scared of your partner or you just don’t want a fight, then it’s a huge red light. Healthy relationships don’t feed on fear and manipulation.

Want your partner to feel loved, respected, and valued? Here’s what you do:

  • Listen to your partner so you’ll know what he or she wants. If there is something that you want to say, be honest. Perhaps you can meet halfway.
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  • Don’t put words into your partner’s mouth. If she sets the boundary, don’t tell her that she said otherwise just so you can get your way. Make an effort to show him or her that you recognize the boundaries and you follow through with actions.
  • Let go if you have to. When all boundaries have been set and all efforts have been done to respect those boundaries, yet both seem to find a compromise, perhaps it’s time to move on.

 

 

 

 

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How To Love Someone Without Losing Yourself

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When you’re starting a relationship, you seem oblivious to what problems or future situations you’ll go through. You and your partner are initially at your best and feeling like you’re the best for each other. You don’t want anything to spoil the intimate connection so you strive to share and do everything together. The bond becomes stronger and you think more about your future with the person you love. Eventually, you will see yourself as a reflection of him, as two people become one.

However, as the ‘unification’ continues, you may realize later that you have lost your independent self. True, becoming one is a celebration of love and togetherness. But the journey doesn’t typically happen smoothly, and in the long run, you might not be able to take the fact that you have lost yourself in the relationship. So where did you end and where did your partner begin to engulf your identity?

Losing Your Identity

Once you realize this, there is a higher likelihood that you will grow bitter about giving up some crucial parts of yourself, particularly if your sacrifices and compromises are the usual demands of your partner. This will gradually create internal stress and tension, and the things that you do for the relationship will no longer be voluntary – you will feel that it’s something that you are forced to do. As this continues, feelings of resentment, worthlessness, depression, and insecurity will creep in.

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Let’s consider this example. You and your partner go to a wedding, and when all single ladies are asked to go in front of the single men to dance with, your partner doesn’t dance with you. How would you feel? That your partner doesn’t value you? Is he ashamed to be with you? Or is the relationship simply one-sided – where obviously the side isn’t on yours? Once you constantly think about being on the losing side, you fight for your right to be heard and then you grow angry with your partner and the whole relationship.

Your Forgotten Self

For a lot of couples, taking senseless stands may be because of your need to release the suppressed parts of yourself. You have forgotten that you do have a self, one that is separate from the relationship. However, if you aren’t able to express it as sensibly and freely, you will eventually feel invalidated and ultimately, lost. This intense version of you will not only affect your relationship negatively but your attitude outside of the relationship as well.

If you think that you and your partner have this kind of relationship now, or if you feel that it is going there, do talk to him about it. You can even see a therapist if you need help dealing with it. A relationship between two people in love should be positive and filled with respect for each other. Positive reciprocal relationships must inspire partners to give themselves both of you respect each other’s independence and limitations. You should feel happy, confident, and free. But if you feel otherwise, perhaps your borders aren’t being valued.

Final Thoughts

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Feelings of anger, insecurity, and resentment can ultimately destroy relationships. In most circumstances, you may need to look for a way out. On the other hand, if you and your partner are willing to change, creating boundaries for each other won’t be difficult, and both of you have sufficient space to grow and improve. The less helpless you feel, the more respect you have for each other, and the positive environment for the relationship and for each of you will flourish.

 

 

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How To Choose Sunglasses Based On Facial Structure

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You do not need the help of an offline or online therapy expert to find out the reasons why people wear sunglasses. Some use it mainly to protect their eyes from the glare of the sunlight; others wear it because they look good with them on or they match their outfit. Meanwhile, there are also individuals who put on sunglasses to exude a mysterious effect that draws even strangers toward them.

However, you should be aware of the fact that not all spectacles can look amazing on you. Some shades can make your face appear bigger or cause you to resemble someone from an alien planet. The reason is that you have to consider your face shape before investing your money to a pair of sunglasses. It is no different from when selecting your hairstyle, to be honest. In addition to that, high-quality spectacles do not come cheap; that’s why you have to ponder about it well.

Here are some ideas on choosing sunglasses based on your facial structure.

Round Face

If you have a face that is the same shape as Drew Barrymore’s, then I suggest that you get sunglasses that have rectangular lenses. That will offer the illusion of a narrower and thinner face, considering geometric frames make your facial features more defined and upturned structures allow the upper portion of your face to become more noticeable. And those who said that wearing black can make you look good all the time? Congratulate them because they are right. Try wearing spectacles that have black frames to make your face slimmer.

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Oval Face

For the women who have a face shape that’s similar to Julia Robert’s and Beyonce’s, think of yourself as a lucky individual. It is not only because your facial structure is almost the same as your idols’ but also because you can wear nearly all kinds of frames and lenses. The only exceptions are those overly large spectacles that can already cover your facial assets.

Oblong Face

Narrow-shaped faces like Sara Jessica Parker’s and Gwyneth Paltrow’s should opt for shades that have big lenses and thick frames. The latter will allow your face to appear shorter, while the former accentuates the top part of the face.

Square Face

Demi Moore and Brad Pitt are just two of the famous Hollywood celebrities who have strong, angular jaws. For those who have a face shape as they do, you will want to avoid geometric frames because they will make your face shape more pronounced. Instead, go for egg-shaped lenses, rounded, oval or sweetheart frames, and classic wayfarers, which may all soften or complement your robust features.

Diamond Face

People who have a face shape like Madonna’s are sometimes mistaken to have square jaws. In truth, however, diamond-shaped faces have smaller forehead and jaw, while the other one has a full forehead and a defined jaw. Diamond faces, for that reason, are supposed to wear sunglasses that have oval frames to match the shape, as well as upswept frames to accentuate the cheekbones. Turn your back on the sunglasses that have narrow frames because they can only make others focus to your narrow forehead.

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Triangle Face

Renee Zellweger has a slender forehead that widens until it reaches the chin. Those who have a face shape like this should wear sunspecs that have frame bottoms that are either curved inward or part-rimless to pronounce the top portion of the face.

Heart Face

The famous personalities who have this face shape are Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon. They look fabulous in spectacles that are oversized because it balances their facial features and makes their chins look more extensive than they genuinely are. Small, round frames are ideal for heart-shaped faces as well because they soften the appearance of a broad forehead.

Final Thoughts

Now, assess your face in front of the mirror thoroughly. What is its shape? How prominent are your cheeks, chin, and forehead?

I am quite sure that you already have formed an image of the perfect sunglasses that will suit your face shape at this point. The main thing that you ought to keep in mind is that you should not grab the first pair of spectacles that you see at the store. More than the price, the design or the brand, consider your face shape. That may help you to look as incredible as the Hollywood celebrities you idolize, especially with the sunglasses on.

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Why New York Therapists Are Challenged Every Single Day

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Almost 20% of adults living in New York City suffer from a mental health issue. That is 1 out of 5 adults which means, it could be you or workmate who has depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, a type of addiction, an eating disorder, or whatever else it is that people have to handle every day. But those who absorb all the stress (they call it challenges) are the therapists of these New Yorkers with issues.

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Day to Day Emotional Cleansing: Five Simple How-Tos

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Emotional cleansing is as vital as physical detoxing. However, the world is more focused on looking good on the outside that it puts more emphasis on the latter. Why should we cast the limelight on emotional cleansing? Know the reasons why. Plus, learn 5 simple ways to cleanse emotionally that you can do every day.

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Understanding Ambiversion: Are You an Ambivert?

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You’re sociable, love going out and meeting people. Yet, you feel the need to retreat and have some alone time afterward. Or you could be someone who feels uncomfortable seeing and meeting new faces. Yet, when left on your own, you feel bored and want the company of others. When you and the people around you just can’t seem to categorize you as either an extrovert or an introvert, it could be because you’re somewhere in between these two – someone called an AMBIVERT. Read More

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The Benefits of Confidence

Confidence is defined as “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances” (Merriam-Webster). This term basically means that you have a sense of self-worth and you are proud of the person you are or the person you’re striving to become.

One popular myth about confidence is that it equals being full of yourself or arrogant. This is not true. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is simply knowing that you are valuable and knowing your worth. Arrogance is thinking you are worth more than other individuals.

Confidence is something that we all should try to achieve because it greatly influences our quality of life. There are several benefits to confidence, though this article will only focus on four of them.

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How To Start Loving Yourself

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Loving yourself is not always an easy task. Whether this is because of mistakes or because of mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, finding a way to love yourself is crucial to having a happy and healthy life.

The Beginning

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Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has those moments where they wish they had done something differently.

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5 Strategies For Understanding Your Self-Worth

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Your self-worth is crucial to experiencing the best quality of life. To do this, you have to gain an understanding of what self-worth is and how it relates to you.

  1. Understand What Self-Worth Is

Self-worth is knowing that you are important and you deserve to be treated like a human being. You deserve respect and love.

Self-worth basically means that you have an understanding of what you deserve. Therefore, you can form relationships based around this and strive for opportunities that you may have feared attempting before.

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Becoming Aware of Your Faults

Self-awareness is a major factor in achieving a better quality of life. Knowing your flaws and faults as well as how to overcome them is critical to living a happy and healthy life.

Step 1: Find Your Weaknesses

The first step to being aware of your faults is to discover your weaknesses. Once you know them, find a way to use them to your advantage. They become a strength instead of a downfall.

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Being aware of your faults does not mean beating yourself up for them. On the contrary, it means you’re human, as an earlier article discussed. Faults are not a bad thing. As human beings, we all have them. Our job is to use them positively instead of allowing them to affect our lives negatively.

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