The 2017 Self-Awareness Workshop was mind-opening for me. I could not imagine how a 60-minute workshop could increase my self-awareness and mindfulness, but it did. For twenty dollars, I believe, I learned something valuable about myself that lay dormant. I even had a great breakfast to go with that workshop!
Many professionals are engaged in providing services in the field of psychotherapy. These are the individuals who had gone through the required education and training before they were able to get the license to provide therapy for clients. Unfortunately, not all therapists have what it takes to help others. Some of them can be difficult to deal with. As such, instead of helping clients feel better, they may make matters worse.
If you are going to try therapy for the first time, be sure that you know the top qualities that your therapist must-have. Find time to research him so that you will not make a wrong move in selecting such a professional. Here are the top signs that indicate the necessity of standing up on your ground and finding the courage to walk out of a client-centered therapy session:
Your Therapist Does Not Have Empathy
One of the qualities that an excellent therapist or counselor must have is empathy. He must know how to make clients feel that the latter’s concerns or issues are being heard. If this is something that your professional mental health expert does not possess, then do not hesitate to drop his services. You will never feel okay about the situation as long as such a professional will continue to provide poor services.
There Is Difficulty In Communication
Are you not comfortable in discussing issues and problems with your therapist? Do you have many reservations that you keep to yourself during the therapy sessions? If you answered a big yes to these inquiries, then the best thing to do is to leave such a professional. Always keep in mind that the foundation of a successful client-therapist relationship is the ability of both parties to communicate freely. Hence, if this element is not available in your professional engagement with a therapist, then walk away today.
You Cannot Get Along Well
Does your therapist make you feel that he is superior over you? Is he challenging and frustrating to deal with? Take note that you must never force any interaction with someone who is only giving additional stress in your life. The moment you discover that your beliefs are different from your therapist, then do not feel sorry if you want to walk away. Just remember always to check if there is a contract or not.
The Sessions Are Highly Expensive
If you think that you can no longer afford the services of a counselor or therapist, then feel free to let him go. Keep in mind that therapy sessions can be expensive. You must have a sufficient amount of money before you book an appointment with a professional. Otherwise, you might not be able to get the best value for the services that you pay for. When doing this, be sure to inform your therapist why you have to do it. Be polite in talking to him about this matter. The primary goal is to make him understand that the ultimate reason for leaving is your failure to support the professional fees.
Just because you had a bad experience with a therapist recently does not mean that client-centered therapy is not effective. You must still give it a try!
Getting ill is expensive these days. Every appointment with a doctor can cost above a hundred dollars. If there is any medical procedure you need to undergo, the amount may increase by ten- or hundred-fold too. That, of course, is apart from the price that comes with each bottle of medicine prescribed by the physician.
In case you watch your diet and exercise regularly, though, you might wonder why you still catch a disease. Well, one suspect in such a scenario is the uncontrollable rage. This conflicting emotion can push you to overthink about whatever you hear and see; thus, you stress yourself out more often than not. Putting too much pressure on your system, if you must know, can lower your immunity and make your body a great host for bacteria and viruses.
To understand how to prevent your temper from ruining your health, here are some suggestions from anger management counseling specialists.
- Disperse It Before It Explodes
The fact that you ought to realize is that you are profoundly different from a candle wick that becomes lit as soon as fire touches it. No, human beings are more comparable to charcoal, which only glows in the beginning but can ignite into flames once it gets too hot.
All we’re trying to say here is that there are indications you can pick up before an anger explosion takes place. Your face might look red; your heart might beat a lot faster than usual as if you are running in the marathon. It is possible for you to grind your teeth or dig your nails into your palms as well. Aside from those, harsh words can rush through your mind and want to come out of your mouth at that instant.
The only way to disperse your fury, however, is knowing when these signs show up. Then, you’ll be able to regain your composure and avoid exploding.
- Think If Anger Is What You’re Feeling For Real
Assuming that a person is knowledgeable about the emoticons or emojis on their smartphone, it does not guarantee that he or she also understands every emotion that they experience. For instance, if you are already tired of waiting, you might express your impatience by bursting out in rage. In case you feel disappointed about the slow service at a restaurant, it is not beyond you either to harass the crew and make an embarrassing scene in public.
Whenever you do things like that, you should remember that the people you get angry with are not the only ones who become judged by the prying eyes. You are too. That is why you need to assess your real emotions and react to a situation accordingly.
- Seek Psychological Guidance
Considering you have tried all the alternative tricks to handle your temper but to no avail, then you should obtain anger management counseling. It is a type of therapy that can help you identify the root of your issues, as well as figure out the best techniques to switch to Zen mode at your will. The counselor will not require you to stay in counseling forever, so make sure to get it if you can’t deal with the side effects of uncontrollable rage anymore.
Keep the tips above in your memory bank the next time you feel angry. Good luck!
Throughout our lives, specific events and experiences occur that can damage our self-esteem. Whether it’s being embarrassed in front of other people, getting called names, or failing an exam, these small events can build up and contribute to damaging ourself-esteem.
Low self-esteem not only affects the way you think, but it can also affect your success in life in many ways. You lose the courage to take risks and put yourself in situations that will contribute to your growth as a person. It is why improving your self-esteem is vital, no matter what your plans are in life.
How Can Online Counseling Help?
When we have low self-esteem, we may feel that facing other people is a daunting task. It’s hard to talk about yourself and your problems when you think about everybody constantly judging you and your actions. A better alternative for seeing a therapist in person is consulting online. Through online counseling, you can feel more relaxed and open up easier since there is less pressure.
Various online counseling platforms are aimed at people who do not dare to see therapists in person. Some of these platforms are free, so monetary issues should not be a problem. These platforms are also ultra-convenient as you may choose to have them in a place that is most accessible to you, most probably in the comfort of your own home.
Online counseling is arguably the first step you should take in addressing your self-esteem issues. Everything becomes easier once you open up your feelings and realize that your problem happens to numerous other people, and there are ways to treat it.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a brief, goal-oriented form of psychotherapy focused on treating problems that occur in the present rather than issues that happened in your early development. Since this treatment is the choice for most psychological problems, you can rest easy knowing that it can also help you to treat your low self-esteem. As with online counseling, numerous platforms can provide you with CBT online.
There are various practices involved in CBT that can treat low self-esteem. One of them is cognitive restructuring, which recognizes destructive thinking patterns and replaces them with more effective patterns. This practice can apply to low self-esteem by identifying thoughts which damage the way you see yourself and replacing them with more uplifting notions.
When you have low self-esteem, it is very likely that you have difficulty in asking for what you want or need. Assertiveness training, another practice involved with CBT, can help with this by teaching you how to communicate with other people and deliver your message efficiently.
Social skills are also intertwined with low self-esteem. Hence, CBT aims to help a person learn how to interact with other people in a positive and rewarding way while decreasing negative social interactions. It is an essential skill to learn because social skills will get you a variety of opportunities that can contribute to your growth as a person.
Without a doubt, low self-esteem is a problem that can be detrimental to your growth as a person. It is for this reason alone that you should work to remove it from your life. The practices mentioned above will help you in doing this. However, you must understand that the battle can only be won from within, meaning you must give your all to succeed.
Have you ever been into this love-hate cycle with your partner? We see the negative things about our partner, and depending on how we convey our criticisms, conflicts arise. Sometimes, even disagreements in opinion about a third-party subject cause conflicts. Either way, it is people’s inherent differences that cause the divide.
Self-Awareness In The Context Of Relationships
Could it be that the way to reconciliation is a shift in perspective from the outside to the inside? That instead of spending our energies in trying to look for loopholes outside ourselves, can the way to peace be actually to see the cracks within us?
Psychiatrists have referred to this as self-awareness. In Daniel Goleman’s book entitled “Emotional Intelligence,” self-awareness is being able to know and observe our inner dispositions and intuitions. It is the ability to be able to see yourself and recognizing that your inner being is a whole new universe in itself.
Why do you think the way you do? What motivates you? What are your personal beliefs?
Self-awareness gives you the answer and the sensitivity to keep seeking. In the context of romantic relationships, self-awareness can help you big time.
Self-Control And Humility
Pride is the leading cause of disagreements and breakups. It comes from our natural human tendency to turn a blind eye to our mistakes. We do everything to deny that we’re also wrong. We tend to point fingers and blame others for the sufferings that we feel.
But when you become more aware of your imperfections and flaws, you’re prompted to stop and think about what you also did wrong. By being sensitive about your ability to hurt your partner, you are more likely to humble yourself and quit being too proud.
Because of the humbling experience of being more conscious about your transgressions, you are more likely to listen twice as you speak. You stop lashing out in anger and regret speaking hurtful words to your partner. Self-awareness is central to self-control.
By being self-aware, you will start to see that disagreements would reduce.
Honest And Open Communication
Another cause of conflict in relationships is not being able to communicate appropriately or not communicating at all. Sometimes, we don’t really mean what we say, but we say it nonetheless. We don’t always speak our minds properly.
But when you become more aware of what drives your emotions, you can convey more explicit messages about how you feel. You can speak with your partner with confidence and certainty because you know your inner dispositions. You can be completely honest, decisive, and expressive.
Because of the open and transparent communication, your partner will know you even better and determine how to handle your emotional ups and downs. This communication builds an attitude of understanding and an atmosphere of encouragement.
By being self-aware, you will see that there are more healthy conversations in the relationship.
Self-Worth And Esteem
Another problem in relationships is when you lose your sense of self. Because of your intimate relationship, you feel that you have lost your own identity. You’ve stopped recognizing yourself as anything apart from the relationship that you have, so you see the need to find yourself.
However, when you become more aware of your self-identity, you are at peace because you know who you were before the relationship and you know who you are now. Start appreciating yourself. Know your worth, celebrate your uniqueness, and love your flaws.
Because of the knowledge of your self-worth, you can keep pursuing your passions. You can still excel in your craft. Allow yourself to grow as an individual. The same should be true with your partner too. Only with the self-awareness will you wholeheartedly love yourself; only with self-love will you likewise love your partner genuinely.
By being self-aware, you will see that both you and your partner will be happier and more fulfilled.
This life’s a journey of losing and finding yourself. Start with becoming more self-aware. You will be surprised at how powerful it is in keeping your relationship and finding love that lasts.
Jealousy is a familiar feeling in relationships. After all, it is part of human nature to be jealous. But it becomes problematic when you let your jealousy take the reigns of your relationship. So before this unpredictable venomous killer drives your relationship to doom, learn how to prevent and control this beast!
- Accept That You’re Jealous
Before anything else, you need to recognize that you are feeling jealous. According to Dr. Hibbert, author of This Is How We Grow; jealousy loses its hold on you when you acknowledge its presence. Accepting that you are feeling jealous also means that you are opening the door to learning, which is the next step.
It is not enough to acknowledge this feeling; you must take this feeling as an inspiration to learn something new! Dr. Hibbert has an interesting example from her book. When a person is jealous of someone’s guitar skills, it is most likely because this person wants to do that, too. Instead of wallowing in jealousy, this person can sign up for guitar lessons and learn the art, themselves!
- Take A Good Look At Yourself
It is important to recognize that jealousy is a stress response. Jealousy is further amplified when you are already feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Practicing mindfulness is thus essential. All you need is a little bit of self-care to ease this jealousy that you are feeling.
Often, jealousy thrives on your insecurities. Researched showed that people with secure attachments to others and their caregivers tend to feel less jealous. Whenever you are feeling jealous, it may help to ask yourself these questions:
- Do you feel the sense of emptiness and lack of self-worth?
- Were you raised in a critical and suppressing environment?
- How well is your relationship with parents/caregivers?
Other than that, you need to remind yourself of the positive qualities that your partner loves yourself. Out of all the people of this world, your partner chose you! Your partner must have seen something in you that puts you above everyone else.
- Communicate With Your Partner
As Dr. Craig Malkin puts it, “connection is the cure for jealousy.” Instead of hinting your jealousy with passive-aggressive action, it is essential you and your partner talk it out. You can express your jealousy through humorous jabs or in a calm coffee date. Whatever way you choose, the most important thing is that you relayed your feelings softly and maturely.
Expressing your jealousy may get you a bit worked up, so always keep in mind to be calm. Acting on your jealousy is never a wise thing to do. After all, there is a reason why jealousy is considered the venomous killer of any relationship.
But, most important of all, you need to put trust in your relationship. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. As long as you have confidence in your partner and yourself, then jealousy won’t be able to control your relationship!
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In couples who are already together for a long time, it is possible that problems and issues would arise. Heated arguments may happen, and you seem to notice that the sparks you both used to have died.
Lack of intimacy, financial security, and even different priorities are just some common problems that couples face in their marriage. These things often lead to more serious issues, such as having an extramarital affair, legal separation, and even domestic violence. However, before these things go out of hand, you have to know the cause of your marriage problems. Are they still fixable? Or is it about time to walk away?
Common Problems In A Married Couple
For couples who are experiencing problems in their marriage, they usually tend to fight over the same things over and over again. Sure, it is common to have arguments with your partner, especially now that you are living under the same roof.
However, the real reason for the arguments should be noted. Some fights are often seen petty, such as dirty laundry, and even the tiniest details like how your partner prepares the meals. But things can easily go out of hand and escalate to bigger fights.
But truth be told, these issues are rooted in a much bigger problem. Financial security, lack of intimacy, and even your different priorities in life are just some of the most familiar issues a married couple might face. But how would you know the real problem?
In some cases, red flags are already showing, but the problem is you don’t seem to acknowledge them. So is it too late to fix your marriage? In some cases, it can still be fixed and mended.
Steps In Fixing Your Marriage
In every kind of relationship, whether romantic or not, everything should be talked openly. In marriage, you vowed to each other that whatever happens, you got each other’s backs. So what can you do to resolve your issues? Here are some steps that you can do to fix your marriage before it’s too late.
- Communicate With Each Other
You can never know or express the problem if you don’t talk about it. Having your partner means that you have someone to share the burden of being an adult, and having constant communication with each other makes room for fewer arguments.
- Focus On Yourself
Accept your flaws and learn how to fix them. Marriage is a two-way process, and you have to make compromises and sacrifices if you want to make it work. At the same time, improving yourself helps you more than it helps anyone else.
- Learn How To Construct Your Concerns
Communication is essential, but knowing how to deliver your message with a positive impact is better. In telling your partner your concerns, it is critical to focus on what they did wrong, instead of the person. Telling them that you don’t like what they did sets a boundary that you don’t hate the person, but rather the act they did.
- Make Decisions Together
In a romantic relationship, you are not just thinking about yourself anymore, more so when you get married. You have to think of yourselves as partners, in whatever you do, you have to consider and include the opinion of the other person. Sure, you have to meet halfway and compromise at times, but including your partner in the equation leads to a healthier married life.
- Remove 3 A’s (Affair, Anger, Addictions)
These 3 A’s ruin a marriage. They are below-the-belt issues that lead marriages on the brink of separation. However, in giving your relationship a shot, it is essential to remove all of these things in your system completely.
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Self-esteem is essentially a person’s private business. However, as a loving partner, you can be part of the journey towards acceptance and self-love. Becoming a supportive and encouraging partner can be a great way to boost your loved one’s self-esteem. Showcase to your partner how much you love him or her by helping them promote their self-esteem. There’s no greater joy than knowing you have contributed to the betterment of your loved one.
These six tips will help you give your partner’s self-esteem a much-needed boost:
- Shower Them With Compliments Every Day
Compliments are not limited to physical appearance. While your partner does have nice hair and a cute butt, do not forget the value of non-physical traits. Always remind your partner that he or she is a kind, caring, responsible, loving, and thoughtful human being. Extend your compliments to what’s on the inside, because that’s where the real beauty is.
- Praise Your Partner’s Clothing
Let your loved one know what particular pieces of clothing complements his or her body the best. Let them be aware of the specific color and style that suits them the best. In addition to this, let them know of the particular clothing that doesn’t work with them, as well. Boost their self-esteem by becoming vocal about the things that flatter them the best, and the least.
- Practice Unconditional Acceptance
Unconditional love is what we always say, but we should still practice unconditional acceptance. Nobody is perfect, and that includes your loved one. Some things cannot be changed when it comes to your partner, so don’t drag their self-esteem down by huffing at those qualities. Instead, promote self-love by accepting your partner for whatever and whomever he or she is, and be vocal about it.
- Do Not Bring Them Down For Their Failures
Everybody makes mistakes, and your partner is not an exception. Do not bring them down for the mistakes they have made in the past, or for the one they may be made in the future. Mistakes are a part of our lives. Instead, help your partner become a better person by making them aware of their mistakes and assisting them in the best way you can. Acknowledge the existence of these mistakes, and embark on a journey of correcting them.
- Always Be Considerate Of Your Partner’s Opinions
Make your partner feel valued by putting importance on his or her opinions and suggestions. There’s nothing more degrading than feeling as if your words don’t matter. Always have a listening ear for your partner, and figure out your choices and solutions together.
- Shower Them With Love In Public
Hold your partner’s hand in public, shower them with compliments in the eyes of a crowd, brag about your partner–these simple actions can significantly help your partner boost his or her self-esteem. Tell your partner’s family how much of a thoughtful soul he or she is. Tell the barista how beautiful or handsome your partner looks today. Have other people recognize your partner’s good qualities to help make him or her realize his or her worth.
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The topic of how emotional literacy helps in achieving higher education, stronger relationships, and optimal health has been prevalent lately. Emotional intelligence is something that parents can teach their children. It is the person’s capacity to manage his emotions, while emotional literacy is his capacity to convey his emotions into words. But overall, both pertain to one’s ability to identify, comprehend, deal with and appropriately convey his emotions.
Can Children Learn To Be Emotionally Literate?
Definitely. In fact, some children are so in sync with how they feel that they will find it quite easy to handle various people and situations. Others may require more time and education to achieve this goal. Every child needs to be emotionally literate and they need to be encouraged and inspired to express themselves. By helping them learn, you are enabling them to traverse the not-so-good emotions appropriately and successfully.
What Can You Do To Help Them?
As a parent or guardian, you must:
Acknowledge your child’s feelings and their corresponding responses. Take time to think about his reactions and don’t judge right away. Do not criticize either. You can help him identify his emotions like telling him, “I understand that you’re annoyed,” or, “That’s wonderful! No wonder you’re so excited!”
Encourage him to tell you how they feel. Try to create an atmosphere that’s safe and open so he can comfortably talk to you about his feelings. He should not feel any judgment from you, because if he will, he’ll look for others to open up. When he has confided in you, you can say something like, “Do you think she did the right thing,” or, “How does that make you feel?”
Identify the motivators that help him do his best. Praise is a good thing, but encouragement is better. Don’t focus so much on the outcome but applaud your child’s behavior and the strategy that he used to achieve his goal. You can encourage him by saying, “I’ve noticed that when the task gets more challenging, you don’t give up but you try even harder – that’s a great attitude.”
Teach your child other means of airing his frustrations. Let him know that he has a choice. Your question should be open-ended so he can freely answer you. Something like this: “How can you possibly express your anger or frustration through words and not by throwing things or hitting?” Or, “Can you think of something else that you can do to let your friend know that you are mad at him?”
Teach your child ways that would help calm him down when he is angry or sad or devastated. Let him practice the simplest, easiest, and most effective lesson – taking deep breaths. Additionally, you can teach him to memorize a mantra, like, “I can control my anger,” or, “I am calm.” Or you can ask him what makes him relax and to let him do it when he needs to, like watching television or playing a game.
When you have successfully taught, encouraged, modeled, and empowered children to become emotionally literate, you can be sure to watch them thrive and become versatile, confident, and well-balanced adults armed with a positive well being and way of life. Then you have given them the greatest gift.
Have you been thinking that you have somehow lost your identity?
My friend Mitch called me with this dilemma. “I think I lost myself. I am totally exhausted and perplexed. I try to go out and do my usual routine but I still can’t shake the feeling. My life’s just so bound to my family and kids that I don’t know how to be happy anymore. I miss my friends, but when they invite me to go out with them, I make excuses not to go because I realize I have so much to do at home. Am I going to be like this forever? Who am I, anyway? Where am I?”
Can You Relate With The Story Of Mitch?
There are certain points in our lives when we stop and wonder if we are still the same person that we were back when life was simpler. The problem is that we don’t get to these realizations at the same time, which may be a cause for our feeling of isolation.
Some of us find our life’s purpose when we become parents and our kids are the greatest blessings that have we’ve ever received. Others, though, find parenthood to be extremely daunting, and they struggle to keep up with their other relationships. This makes them dread to have other children.
A divorce also creates a feeling of losing your identity. People may feel that they are incomplete without the other person and that they have lost a major role as a spouse, so what have they become now?
On the contrary, those who reach their mid-30s or 40s feel like it’s the best years of their lives. They go back to partying, going outdoors, and socializing. Maybe they were earning a living early and it has consumed them so much that they want to take a break from it all. They are more inclined to keeping in touch with friends and traveling – their way of finding themselves.
Finding The Road To Rediscovery
A sense of identity is associated with a sense of purpose – the thought of knowing your place in the world. Here are some questions that may help you find your way back to you.
Can you rewire your thoughts on what mattered before and what changed now? If these have indeed changed, maybe what mattered then may not be as important to you now.
Can you possibly reconnect with who you are by discovering new things, those that you think are more relevant to you and giving yourself more credit for things that you’re currently doing?
A feeling of uselessness could be the cause of identity loss. Ask these questions to help you better understand.
Do you feel like you can’t connect with people anymore, or that you’re hesitant to connect because of fear that they might reject you?
If and when you are able to connect, would that connection alleviate your feeling of loss? Would it become relevant to you?
Sometimes, we don’t realize it but at some point, we lose touch of our morals. How we conform to our values often deviates through the years, but only the core values, those that we have learned while we were growing up, stay the same. So when we feel that we have gone far from these values, we become perplexed and unhappy. So you ask:
What happened along the way that made me change my values? Is there something going on in my life now that is absolutely opposite with my morals?
Can I possibly make small changes with the way I’m living so that I’m a step closer to the things that I value?
How will I reward myself when I have successfully taken that step?
These questions and the reflections in this article will hopefully lead you to find your lost self. You may be recreated or modified now because of life’s circumstances, but you will always find your way back to you. Just stop and take the time to focus on rediscovering YOU.