Have you been thinking that you have somehow lost your identity?
My friend Mitch called me with this dilemma. “I think I lost myself. I am totally exhausted and perplexed. I try to go out and do my usual routine but I still can’t shake the feeling. My life’s just so bound to my family and kids that I don’t know how to be happy anymore. I miss my friends, but when they invite me to go out with them, I make excuses not to go because I realize I have so much to do at home. Am I going to be like this forever? Who am I, anyway? Where am I?”
Can You Relate With The Story Of Mitch?
There are certain points in our lives when we stop and wonder if we are still the same person that we were back when life was simpler. The problem is that we don’t get to these realizations at the same time, which may be a cause for our feeling of isolation.
Some of us find our life’s purpose when we become parents and our kids are the greatest blessings that have we’ve ever received. Others, though, find parenthood to be extremely daunting, and they struggle to keep up with their other relationships. This makes them dread to have other children.
A divorce also creates a feeling of losing your identity. People may feel that they are incomplete without the other person and that they have lost a major role as a spouse, so what have they become now?
On the contrary, those who reach their mid-30s or 40s feel like it’s the best years of their lives. They go back to partying, going outdoors, and socializing. Maybe they were earning a living early and it has consumed them so much that they want to take a break from it all. They are more inclined to keeping in touch with friends and traveling – their way of finding themselves.
Finding The Road To Rediscovery
A sense of identity is associated with a sense of purpose – the thought of knowing your place in the world. Here are some questions that may help you find your way back to you.
Can you rewire your thoughts on what mattered before and what changed now? If these have indeed changed, maybe what mattered then may not be as important to you now.
Can you possibly reconnect with who you are by discovering new things, those that you think are more relevant to you and giving yourself more credit for things that you’re currently doing?
A feeling of uselessness could be the cause of identity loss. Ask these questions to help you better understand.
Do you feel like you can’t connect with people anymore, or that you’re hesitant to connect because of fear that they might reject you?
If and when you are able to connect, would that connection alleviate your feeling of loss? Would it become relevant to you?
Sometimes, we don’t realize it but at some point, we lose touch of our morals. How we conform to our values often deviates through the years, but only the core values, those that we have learned while we were growing up, stay the same. So when we feel that we have gone far from these values, we become perplexed and unhappy. So you ask:
What happened along the way that made me change my values? Is there something going on in my life now that is absolutely opposite with my morals?
Can I possibly make small changes with the way I’m living so that I’m a step closer to the things that I value?
How will I reward myself when I have successfully taken that step?
These questions and the reflections in this article will hopefully lead you to find your lost self. You may be recreated or modified now because of life’s circumstances, but you will always find your way back to you. Just stop and take the time to focus on rediscovering YOU.